It's hard to believe that this is New Year's Day! It just feels like any other day! It's been nearly 2 years since I started having shoulder pain again. Plus I've had a nasty cough for weeks that has me completely worn down right now. But it's the beginning of a new year. Seems worthy of a few moments to acknowledge that.
January 1, 2015.
Looking back on 2014, I have many things to be thankful for! I enjoyed one month of low enough pain levels to drive consistently. I had the pleasure of loving on my sister's foster baby for 2 months which was a great opportunity though it was heartbreaking to say goodbye!!! I got to meet my cousin's youngest daughter who became a forever part of our family just before her 4th birthday and is a beautiful, curly haired princess that I fell in love with immediately!!!!! And then in July, we were thrilled to finally hold my youngest nephew who was born the afternoon of the 11th and brings such joy to our family!!! We had a wonderful mini vacation when we spent a long weekend at the coast. Many birthday celebrations throughout the year where our whole family comes together to celebrate with food and fun times together! Due to many household projects involved with painting rooms and moving things around, we decided to have a low-key Thanksgiving where we just spent time together and enjoyed chili and cornbread in lieu of the traditional turkey dinner. So we made up for it by having turkey with all the trimmings on Christmas Eve followed by a family sleepover! Christmas is so much fun with littles to watch and play with!!!! Following our tradition, we ended our Christmas day at my cousins house with good food, gift exchanges and game night!!! Such a great time and a great way to end the holiday season.
A big development for me came in October when I made the decision to return to college and complete my degree online. I started the very next week taking Accounting and Microeconomics through Kaplan University, but am excited to start a new semester as a Liberty University Online student in a couple of weeks. I have an interdisciplinary major which allows me to choose 3 cognates of study so I have chosen Accounting, Education and Christian Counseling. I hope to graduate in about 3 years!
Physically, I'm a bit of a mess. As I said before, my shoulders have been hurting for nearly 2 years, but this past August, I also began experiencing similar pains in my ankles and knees which come and go pretty frequently. I have spinal stenosis in my neck with a couple of disc showing bulges that may one day require surgery, but hoping to stave that off as long as possible. I've had numbness and tingling a lot in my hands/arms for a few years that we attributed to the neck issue, but my hands became so much worse a few months ago, I'm scheduled for an EMG (test where they shock my arms to check for nerve issues) next week, and am seeing an orthopedic the next day for evaluation of carpal tunnel that may require surgery sooner than later.
Emotionally, it's hard to say. Chronic pain is difficult to deal with and I have a tendency towards depression anyway so I have to be really careful not to wallow in self-pity which I did not do very well last year. There were a lot of joyful things that helped pull me out of it, but it's a daily battle that requires a choice of how to spend my day.
Spiritually, I've not been in a good place for a very long time! I've said it before, but have realized just how true it has been that everything that can be shaken has definitely been shaken in my life in the last 3 or so years!!! I fought really hard to respond well as I felt my world and all I believed to be true was falling apart around me. However, in the course of time, I failed to acknowledge the anger and disappointment I felt towards God as the shaking continued through some of the darkest times of my life!!! Hitting bottom finally seemed to happen at the end of September when I told my mom I just couldn't do it anymore! I wasn't turning my back on God or giving up, per se, I just could not keep begging Him to be there or do anything for me anymore. My bottom line revelation was "He owes me nothing!" and I need to be okay with that. After mulling that over and listening to a devotional set by Misty Edwards where she sings, "You owe me nothing, I deserve hell" for a week, I was finally struck by the last part of that chorus which is "You owe me nothing but You've given me MERCY!!!!" So it's a very slow journey, but I'm beginning the process of trying to reconnect with the Lord by focusing on the things that He has promised to me that I know I can count on as my faith is rebuilt in who He truly is!
It has been a really long time since I've blogged and I'm not sure how much time I will have to blog this year as I dive into a new semester, but I hope to try to be a little more consistent here! Let's see what this year holds!!!
January 1, 2015.
Looking back on 2014, I have many things to be thankful for! I enjoyed one month of low enough pain levels to drive consistently. I had the pleasure of loving on my sister's foster baby for 2 months which was a great opportunity though it was heartbreaking to say goodbye!!! I got to meet my cousin's youngest daughter who became a forever part of our family just before her 4th birthday and is a beautiful, curly haired princess that I fell in love with immediately!!!!! And then in July, we were thrilled to finally hold my youngest nephew who was born the afternoon of the 11th and brings such joy to our family!!! We had a wonderful mini vacation when we spent a long weekend at the coast. Many birthday celebrations throughout the year where our whole family comes together to celebrate with food and fun times together! Due to many household projects involved with painting rooms and moving things around, we decided to have a low-key Thanksgiving where we just spent time together and enjoyed chili and cornbread in lieu of the traditional turkey dinner. So we made up for it by having turkey with all the trimmings on Christmas Eve followed by a family sleepover! Christmas is so much fun with littles to watch and play with!!!! Following our tradition, we ended our Christmas day at my cousins house with good food, gift exchanges and game night!!! Such a great time and a great way to end the holiday season.
A big development for me came in October when I made the decision to return to college and complete my degree online. I started the very next week taking Accounting and Microeconomics through Kaplan University, but am excited to start a new semester as a Liberty University Online student in a couple of weeks. I have an interdisciplinary major which allows me to choose 3 cognates of study so I have chosen Accounting, Education and Christian Counseling. I hope to graduate in about 3 years!
Physically, I'm a bit of a mess. As I said before, my shoulders have been hurting for nearly 2 years, but this past August, I also began experiencing similar pains in my ankles and knees which come and go pretty frequently. I have spinal stenosis in my neck with a couple of disc showing bulges that may one day require surgery, but hoping to stave that off as long as possible. I've had numbness and tingling a lot in my hands/arms for a few years that we attributed to the neck issue, but my hands became so much worse a few months ago, I'm scheduled for an EMG (test where they shock my arms to check for nerve issues) next week, and am seeing an orthopedic the next day for evaluation of carpal tunnel that may require surgery sooner than later.
Emotionally, it's hard to say. Chronic pain is difficult to deal with and I have a tendency towards depression anyway so I have to be really careful not to wallow in self-pity which I did not do very well last year. There were a lot of joyful things that helped pull me out of it, but it's a daily battle that requires a choice of how to spend my day.
Spiritually, I've not been in a good place for a very long time! I've said it before, but have realized just how true it has been that everything that can be shaken has definitely been shaken in my life in the last 3 or so years!!! I fought really hard to respond well as I felt my world and all I believed to be true was falling apart around me. However, in the course of time, I failed to acknowledge the anger and disappointment I felt towards God as the shaking continued through some of the darkest times of my life!!! Hitting bottom finally seemed to happen at the end of September when I told my mom I just couldn't do it anymore! I wasn't turning my back on God or giving up, per se, I just could not keep begging Him to be there or do anything for me anymore. My bottom line revelation was "He owes me nothing!" and I need to be okay with that. After mulling that over and listening to a devotional set by Misty Edwards where she sings, "You owe me nothing, I deserve hell" for a week, I was finally struck by the last part of that chorus which is "You owe me nothing but You've given me MERCY!!!!" So it's a very slow journey, but I'm beginning the process of trying to reconnect with the Lord by focusing on the things that He has promised to me that I know I can count on as my faith is rebuilt in who He truly is!
It has been a really long time since I've blogged and I'm not sure how much time I will have to blog this year as I dive into a new semester, but I hope to try to be a little more consistent here! Let's see what this year holds!!!
